My take on promposals
By Dalton Martin
Let me start this off by saying I have never participated in a so-called “promposal.” Quite frankly, I find the whole concept a scam that frozen yogurt and coffee businesses throw upon us teenage guys to appease our basic lady friends. Let me get this straight-you, the typical junior/senior dude, are going out of your way to possibly set yourself up for a complete failure? Might I add you’re also essentially bending down on one knee and for what?
You sure as heck aren’t about to declare endless love and devotion through sickness and debt. No sir, you basically are asking this lovely lady before your eyes to grind on you like a stripper pole when the time arises. Isn’t that just pure poetry; roses are red, violets are blue, you’ll be hot and sweaty before this night is through.
Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone gets “friendly” on the dance floor, and some promposals are just downright adorable, however, let there be a major emphasis on the word some. This time of year, social media websites are just plumb full of ideas posted by girls for their guy friends. For instance, the tried and true coffee cup promposal in which the lovely barista that normally butchers your name is in charge of writing “Prom?” on the potential date’s fancy yet overpriced macchiato.
What about the ever-so-popular spelling of “prom” on their car with gaudy post-it notes? Ladies, correct me if I’m wrong, but what is the point of making a huge deal over being asked to prom via promposal if you’re just asking the guy to make a carbon-copy of an idea from Pinterest or Instagram? I mean heaven forbid Chelsey and Lindsey have the same dress at prom, but it’s just so cute when Leroy and Steven both write “Prom?” with a little heart in the question mark on the bottom of a fro-yo cup.
Guys, I am going to give it you straight, just say no. If this girl will only say yes to you in exchange for an elaborate promposal, she is no better than the women that roam downtown at midnight. Think about it, you are paying this lady to do questionable things that would make her grandma blush and have her daddy threaten you at gunpoint to marry her. Sounds an awful lot like the employees of some fine establishments for the 18 and older demographic if you catch my drift.
In reality though, guys do not need to perform promposals for one simple reason; when the time arises and she realizes she’s still lacking a date, is she really going to reject you? Of course not! Girls do not want to arrive to prom dateless that is like a sin in the Girl Bible. Honestly, girls have worse egos than guys and their egos can’t withstand the silent embarrassment of just being in a group of friends. Especially when those friends all have dates and they’re the awkward third wheel. Guys, on the other hand, can be with their friends and the world keeps on spinning.
So stop feeding the machine, man up, and end this promposal idiocy. I’ve gotten two prom dates without them, and as Robert Downey Jr. has said once before, “That’s how dad did it, that’s how America does it, and it’s worked pretty well so far.” Remember good sirs, promposals, they just aren’t worth the silent embarrassment.