Christmas on a shelf?

By: Madisyn Zipper 

The Elf on the Shelf is a hoax, putting consumers on a shelf of debt 

When kids don’t listen, buy them a toy, right? The simple logic of modern parenting is really doing a bang-up job.

Parents feed into the consumer world like no other, but an elf toy that they have to move every night in December just to get their kids to stay on an iPad all day and ‘be good’ is surpassing any previous parenting attempts. Sure, sometimes entertaining a younger being tugging at your arm all day can be annoying; it’s why I don’t babysit. But it’s just setting up a continuous cycle of buying, and the perfect recipe to another spoiled kid.

The purpose of the elf is to inform the child that if they’re good, more toys are coming on Christmas morning; A holiday that isn’t supposed to be about the gifts, elves, or Santa. That’s major corruption, even for the human race.

One of the funniest things to come out of this whole corporate industry are the hundreds of Pinterest boards dedicated to giving parents ideas on how to place them. One can even find out excuses for when they forget to move the elf. Are parents aging in reverse? The tedious process of picking the elf’s name, coming up with the perfect font for the letter it writes. I must be having a nightmare. What about impressing fellow housewife friends by sharing the hilarious story one tricked their kid to believe? This can’t be an ethical way to deal with such a happy holiday.

Getting kids to believe in Santa to make them jolly and innocent is one thing, but has the story gotten so unbelievable that we have to bring in a 19th century-looking doll that literally moves around while the kid is sleeping? This isn’t Ghost Hunters, it’s Christmas! A time to drink hot chocolate and sing carols or whatever they did back then before Santa was a fat guy in car dealership commercials.

Asking a kid about Christmas today will get a response of songs from Disney’s Frozen and tech toys as opposed to anything remotely religious or sugar plum-y.

This Christmas, do everyone a favor and buy the kids a book, and a stocking full of sugar. See how much those parents can really handle.

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