Pick Your Poison

By: Madisyn Zipper

After spending sixteen years on earth, I’ve concluded that the worst part of going to the gas station is the fountain machine. Polar Pops have become the most distasteful of all food crazes.

First things first: they aren’t meant to be bought in bulk. They make twelve-packs of sodas for a reason! Make way for the huge line building in front of the stupid machine disrupting my Sour Patch Kid’s purchasing.

Secondly, walking to the nearest gas station wearing pajamas to retrieve a daily 40 ounce Mountain Dew is just not okay. Studies from, like, everyone say that this is probably the most unhealthy thing a human can do. Dentists all over are rolling up in new BMWs because these things are so popular. Ever tried water? Might seem gross as first, but considering its natural, we humans tend to get used to it.

Finally, be respectful to everyone in line. I don’t appreciate being cut in front of while trying to get my cheap cappuccino. Yeah, I know how great the nugget ice is, but it can wait for just a second.

Make sure to throw away the Styrofoam so it can sit in a landfill and not decompose until the human race is no longer existent.

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