How to: Make a Diss by//Julia Campisano

In less modern times, if two people had a problem with each other, they’d go to war or write a strongly worded letter. But in our generation, we just write a diss rap. (Note: No, I don’t write diss raps. And no, I can not guarantee you will become famous or rich.)

Step One: Figure out every flaw or mistake the person you want to diss has. The main point of a diss is to point out someone’s insecurities.

Step Two: You need a sick beat to suit your diss style. You can say boots and cats repeatedly in the background, or have some gold digger sing random words about money and drugs. Whatever you feel will make it sound somewhat decent.

Step Three: Step up to the mic and get all your feelings out. But sing a little bit, make your voice crack. It’s okay if you can’t sing, that’s what auto tune is for.

Step Four: Once you put everything together, make sure to post it on your Soundcloud account, then link it to your Twitter. Make sure to DM a bunch of random people to ask them to support your diss. And if they say no, DM them again.

Step Five: Wait for return diss. Constantly refresh your feed so you can immediately see when it pops up on the TL.

Step Six: Beg your followers to support your diss and retweet it so you become rich and famous. That’s what happens to everyone with a Soundcloud.

Step Seven: Repeat steps over and over until you are declared the winner of the diss battle by your ten Twitter followers.

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