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Corpses of their former self

To some, leftovers can be eaten at any temperature; to others (people like me) that’s absolutely absurd

Kelly Titus, Features Editor

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There are two types of people in this world: the ones who are sane and heat up their leftover pizza, and the ones who leave it cold and need to be administered to a mental institution.

According to Correlated, 59 percent of people enjoy cold pizza. That means there is about three-fifths of the human population that is absolutely insane and I’m very concerned for the future of humanity. When you eat pizza, part of the reason it’s so delicious is because of the gooey cheese sliding off the warm dough underneath, or picking off the hot pepperonis and eating them one by one. When it’s cold, it’s like eating a corpse of what it once was. Who would want that?!

I know people who would eat any kind of leftover cold. Lasagnas, chicken, dinner rolls, really just hand them anything and they’ll scarf it down. I’m particularly speaking of my father, who would probably willingly eat garbage, but even still, enjoys cold leftovers. How could you disrespect Stouffer’s lasagna like that, eating her cold, dead alter ego instead of heating her up and reviving her former self?

Now, I know what some people say. When you heat up leftovers in the microwave, often times it gets hard and unchewable, or just doesn’t taste the same, and that eating it cold almost gives it a new “flavor” (I just shuddered).

But what many don’t know is the most ingenious hack I know – put a cup of water in there. Yep, it’s that easy. Just grab a glass, fill it halfway, and stick it in there next to your food. The water evaporates and helps soften any ingredients that might naturally harden upon reheating. It’s especially helpful for pizza, but it works for any type of leftover – it doesn’t discriminate. That way, you can enjoy your food the way it was made.

However, there are certain foods that just shouldn’t be eaten as leftovers. French fries, chicken nuggets, vegetables – all of those end up getting soggy, wet and overall, gross. There’s just some foods that we shouldn’t even bother saving, but my dad thinks otherwise and will save literally anything. There could be a sixteenth of a can of beans left and he’ll save it, giving me the speech about how kids in Africa aren’t as lucky as we are. And while he is correct, no one is ever going to eat those beans anyway, so just please, throw them away like a normal person.

And yes, in some cases, change can be good. But in the case of leftovers, unless it was made to be cold (such as some sort of pasta salad, which is disgusting in it’s own way but that’s a different discussion for a different day), please, for the love of God, warm that puppy up!

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Corpses of their former self