How to: Survive getting a shot by//Julia Campisano

Last year, I wrote a feature for the print edition of NAHS’s newspaper, The Blotter, a how to about getting boys to leave you alone. I received a lot of positive feedback and decided this year to create this weekly column to help spread my lessons of life across the web. For those of you who know me in person, you can probably understand where all the sarcasm is coming from, but for those of you who don’t, read my column weekly and you’ll soon understand.

I hate needles with a passion, so when my work told me I had to get a TB test, I had a mental breakdown. I had a full week to come up with the color of my coffin for when the needle killed me (I chose hot pink). A Tuberculosis test is a skin test, they inject a solution into the top layer of the skin, which creates a “bubble”. Then it is left alone for a few days, and rechecked to see if you are infected or not (I’m clean). But, many people like me are also terrified of needles. So here are some tips on how to survive:

  1. Like I said before, it’s probably a good idea to go ahead and pick out your coffin beforehand. It’ll make the news of your demise that much easier for family and friends to swallow the loss.
  2. Before getting the shot, make sure to work yourself up, that way you might pass out and not even feel it at all.
  3. While getting it done, make a big deal about it. Cry, lay on the floor, throw a temper tantrum. It’ll make you look so unstable they will just refuse to give you the shot.
  4. While they are giving you the shot, because I doubt Step 3 worked, jerk your arm around everywhere so that they can’t give it to you without restraints.
  5. Make sure to tense your arm as hard as possible, it makes it less painful.
  6. After the shot, be sure to cry, so that way the person who gave it to you will forever feel like a jerk for causing you so much pain.
  7. Also be sure to brag about how tough you are, pretend that the tantrums and tears didn’t even happen.
  8. Afterwards, go buy yourself a treat for being such a good patient, because if you follow these steps I doubt that your doctor will tell you that you were.
  9. Have your mom kiss your new boo boo, that always makes it better too.

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